“No No I Rather You Not Risk Your Food Bladders Contents Not Be Spewed And Decorate The Floors. Still I Do Hope You Lean On Me When You Need The Extra Help”
“I’m gonna keep it in mind. I’m sure there will be some opportunity that’ll reveal itself soon enough. But, we’ve seriously talked way more than necessary about me and my shitty daily life. How’s yours? Any good, any bad?”
“I Would Assume Gamzee Had A Sort Of Interest In Tavros If He Is Not Willing To Call Him His Best Friend. So You May Be Right About That But Tavros Usually Has Cold Feet So I Doubt He May Like Anyone At The Moment, Have You Been Monitoring Their Interactions”
“I once caught a small glimpse when I was grubsitting Gamzee. I saw the worst piece of rap-trash I’ve ever had to lay eyes on. I was so close to simultaneously vomit, barf and throw up. I decided *not* to look further and never to lay eyes on it ever again. I do believe that I made a good decision, or is there anything that might be of actual interest?”
“I Sympathize Karkat. Hopefully Though Given The Extra Help You Have Given, He Can Get Around Better Than Most Can But If Anything Happens Please Do Not Hesitate To Contact Me. I Have Never Culled A Clown But I Have Talked One Out Of Derangement”
“I don’t think he’ll get around any better than he ever did before - maybe he is even worse now. But you know what, sure. If I ever am close to meltdown and/or mental breakdown, I’ll give you a visit. Though, I don’t believe he really will listen to anyone else but ‘his best friend’, which for some reason seems to be me, and not Nitram. I still don’t fucking get that one. If I ever learned something from watching my romcoms, it’s that those two are basically moirails, maybe even matesprits. But really, whatever.”
“You Talk About Him Because You Think About Him, Karkat. Whether You Like It Or Not You Constantly Worry About His Well Being And It Is Bound To Be A Topic Of Conversation”
“And I Know I Use To Drink The Toxic Sludge Compound Too When I Had A Complex Over The Whole Blood Drinking Routine”
He gives out a loud sigh. “Yeah, maybe. But it can be extremely frustrating. I mean, the guy’s actually not a complete fucking moron, but he is acting like a grub which decided to have a go on smashing it’s head on every rock it could find, so that his thinkpan is nothing more than a pile of slime itself. Eridan would probably say ‘It’s hard, and nobody understands.’ - though I do know that everyone who wasted more than 5 seconds on the guy understands how frustrating he can be.“
“Oh, I see. Still odd to me. It really is usually a hate relationship between a Captor and a Vantas, so anything otherwise is a bit weird for me. I apologize if anything I say makes you confused or uncomfortable in any way, such as this, since I haven’t had much of a social life as of recent. I’ve been quite busy but I’ve never been happier.”
“No, I wouldn’t call it uncomfortable. If anything it’s interesting what other me’s who weren’t a complete failure in everything managed to do. And while I never thought that a hate-relationship could even work out between the two of us, I wouldn’t say it was impossible. I’d even go as far as to say that we’d have the perfect conditions here; just that we see each other more as friends than anything.”
“I see… Eridan is a bit of a dick when it comes to just about anything so I can see how that would be an issue. I keep forgetting that not every Karkat is married to a Sollux though and when I hear of one of his alternates hating a Sollux I get confused but then I remember it’s just my Karkat that’s married to Sollux. Also I wasn’t going to give a therapy session I as merely asking what was troubling you so I knew for future reference.”
“Hating him? No, you misunderstood me completely there. That bipolar-asshole is basically my best friend. We both just seem to have a thing for annoying each other beyond believe and have the most embarrassing chats known to trolls. But I always make sure that the two of us are still cool with each other - which he usually answers with a sarcastic reply.”
“Well… That seems to be a problem. What’s been annoying you so much that when we first meet again you put a damper in the mood? A grub, jut people you know, personal problems you wouldn’t like to speak of? Is there a reason you’re so stressed and annoyed?”
“Oh, you know, it’s really nothing specific. Just the, I guess nowadays you can call it, ‘usual’ stuff. Dealing with my *wonderful* friends, who would never try to annoy me in any way with their problems. Alright, to be fair, Sollux and I do that to each other, so that’s not the problem. And I don’t really mind Eridan all that much - the guy really just needs a lesson or two in the ‘How to talk to people and not be a complete idiot while doing it’. But just everything together, I guess. But really, enough about my problems. I don’t want a therapy session with you; a normal conversation would be so much better.”
“I Was Being Completely Honest, You Keep Me Rationalized When We All Know I Can Drive Myself Into The Epitome Of The Definition Of Neurotic. As For Who Needs Who I Do Not a think I Can Fairly Say Who Does But What I Can Say Is That It Is Of Mutual Benefit Either Way”
“Hmm.. I guess so. But honestly, it’s less me trying to keep all of you rationalized - I’m really just telling you guys how stupid you are at the moment. But I think, that’s what some trolls just need sometimes to get back to reality and stop living in their what seems like a Soper Slime-induced dream-reality. We have one guy who eats that shit already, we don’t-”
“GODDAMMIT, now I’m talking about *him* again! What the fuck is wrong with me?”
“…well…u2ually ii rub the back of my neck. that 2eem2 two help…”
“As stupid as that sounds, I am not going to argue with that. Simply because I can’t judge if it really works or not. Just go on and do it, or do you need me to do it for you? ..And no, that was not an offer. Unless I *really* have to do it for you, I am not going to.”
“Sure You Are. You Are The Rationalizing Referee That Everyone Needs, Had I A Better Grasp Of Your You-ness I Am Positive My First Moirailship Would Not Have Taken The Destructive Path That It Did, It Is Only Because You Are You That Keeps Me Being Me If That Makes Any Sense”
“I’m sure you’re being honest with me here, and not just this whole -I’m telling you this so that you feel better- crap, but.. I just don’t feel like this is truly right. For the record, I do get what you meant with your last group of words, but.. you are stronger than me, Kanaya. You’re stronger than you think. You don’t really need me. On the other hand, I need you. That’s what’s going on here, not vice versa.”
